Two Works in Progress

Can Somebody tell me,
tell me how to be free.
Free from all the things that I do
to hurt me

"You've got to control your
emotions, son. You should know
that you are much wiser
than you let yourself believe."

Can somebody tell me,
tell me how to believe.
Believe that one soon she'll
be next to me.

"You're lonely, you've told me
but when it's right I'm sure you'll see.
But 'till then you've got to,
you gotta set yourself free."

Is freedom a place? Is freedom a state?
Is freedom a sound I cannot hear?
Make a blind man see, make a doubter believe
Make me free!

----------

while on the sea
sailing further from the beach
I saw an angel touch down on the shore

with one wave
of her hand
the last glimpse
of the land
disappeared once again
as we traveled onto ports unknown

blessed wind
fill our sails
and match our fins
with the speed of the waves below

An amazing story, great idea, for halloween

"I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see trickortreater—but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc, who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house."

-anonymous

start of first novel: Failure

Is to fail to lose? No, to fail is to be given the opportunity to try again, to give up is to lose. Even the bravest men fear failure, as if a definite end were attached to it. To lose a battle, to lose a love, to lose victory, there is some amount of loss in all of these, but if failure meant to lose indefinitely, none would be strong enough to try again. I say to fail is to win; to win the opportunity to succeed, to triumph, to learn, to change. To lose is to give up. True bravery is found in the ability to stand up after a crushing defeat or to learn to live after choosing the easy way out. The bravest man is not the one who wins the most and thus never faces failure, but the one who fails the most and repeatedly tries again. True bravery, true valor, true fortitude and strength are found in those who have never won, but have never lost the will to try again. Only those who lose the will to carry on are those who truly fail, who truly are defeated. Brevity is measured by failures, not by victories.

video dating

Tuesday I was watching this ridiculous dating video from 87 that was probably the funniest thing i've seen in a long time. Go and watch it now.

here it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ-O3c1sjjI

Basically, I was so inspired that I decided to create my own dating video and started gaining some momentum by writing all of the one-liners I could think of in one sitting. I think they are real winners. I will be single no-mo babay!!! the ladies be flockin to meeeeeee....

here they are...

Life is like jungle and I am Tarzan. will you be my Jane?

Life is like a fish tank without other fish. Very lonely. Please, join me in my fish tank?

Hello, I am looking for a man... I mean, a woman. Really any woman, that is muscular, with well built calves, and while body hair isn’t a must, I wouldn’t mind something to grab a hold of, or braid.

Life is like the ocean. and I am like a lobster, the last lobster.

Life is like the ocean, and I am like a whale. I may be big, but I have a lot of lovin to give.

Imagine living your life feeling like everybody is afraid of you.

Life is like shark infested water, you never know if you’ll live until to take a risk and dive in. Well, I am Alex and I am looking for a certain someone, who will dive in with me.

I am not too picky, and am very flexible. for example I don’t like leg hair, if you have leg hair, I just... I just can’t handle it... no offense. however I wouldn’t mind lending a razor in the case that you do have leg hair.

To me, life is like a cage that I am stuck in. I am looking for someone to let me out of my cage. We could run, like wild horses, and make love like pigs.

I am looking for someone who is caring, doting, and compassionate. If you look at it this way, Life is like a race, and I started it with a broken leg. Will you heal me?

Hi my name is Alex, you have probably already noticed my muscular build and thick beard. If you like lumberjacks, then I am your man.

Hi my name is Alex. I am a student by day, and party animal by night.

Hi my name is Alex, I am looking for someone who likes to toboggan, go ice fishing and and go frozen tundra camping.

Hello, do you ever find yourself wondering, “Will I ever meet a real man”, well now you have.

Hello, I am a doctoral student studying the mating patterns of gerbils. I have quite a lot I could show you.

I’m looking for someone with a good sense of humor, who likes to have fun, and can joke around. its, this is important to me, because I have a truly wild sense of humor.

Acting

I am perplexed by my place in acting. Being in the fundamentals of acting for theatre majors was kind of disheartening. I am glad that will be allowed to stay and learn, but to be learning with a highly focused group of students and with a teacher whose focus is to motivate and challenge future professionals is challenging my place as an actor at APU. I love acting. I love it. Everything about it. I want to learn more, I want to act more, I want to be challenged; but one thing that I cannot do, which was demanded by Jill, is attain total commitment to training. I just can't. Because of schedule and money, I am too far into the collegiate process to switch focuses. But oh how I love acting. My learning is limited, the amount that I will be taught is limited for Jill's focus is on theatre majors, while she is not cold enough to disinclude me, I am on the side burner-not a priority- a theater minor. I found myself questioning my major, questioning my reasons for being in the class. Sure I have passion, I have a hell of a lot of it. But I fell victim to the circumstances that limit me from interaction with the department. Oh woe is me. Not to say that I won't get a lot out of the the classes I am taking, but as to where I will go with them, that is the question. There is really crappy spanish worship music in the background. The sound of lower classmen giggling wildly about God knows what, who knows if they even really care about school. I am not bitter. I am perplexed. I am in an acting limbo. Limping my way through my college career with each limb dipped into different academic pools. A brain too immersed in learning, too interested in too diverse of fields, desiring complete commitment to each, cruely torn between passions. I lack the ability to determine what my future holds. Should I stay another two years to complete a BFA? Should I commit my life to acting, to pursue the technique, form and discipline of a professional? The passion is there, the innate yearning to improve is there; some would say that that is all that is necessary. I've heard it said that talent is simply courage, they are one in the same. I am courageous, but how courageous. Damn...

The new heroes journey

The heroic journey usually goes as follows:
1. Departure
This is usually when the main character is presented with the journey ahead of him, namely his fate, if looked at from that perspective. The main character can then accept his fate, deny it, or any other combination therein. This may occur in several ways. He could deny it first, then go through circumstances that force his choice (through good or bad forces), he could deny then be begged by those in need, or he could be asked by a higher authority (old man, God, spirits, ancestors etc...) which may or may not give him supernatural powers or the courage to continue.

2. Initiation
This stage is as simple as it sounds. The main character must face odds, obstacles of some kind must be overcome to prove his worthiness and ability to continue the journey. This may take their shape in several ways. I won't go into detail, you can fill in the blanks just fine.

3. Return
Whatever the main character faced, he must make a choice, whether to return or not to return. He may not want to return. This may be due to love or to inability (such as death). But may return as well. The reasons are left up to the reader, in this case, and the author in most cases.

What occurred to me as I was thinking about the typical heroic journey is what ones life would be like if they had chosen to not undertake the journey. I mean really, without redemption or a second chance. I think going through the emotions that he/she may feel would be very interesting. Guilt, regret, relief, fear, really who knows how one would feel. But I can't think of a story that begins with a hero who did not have the courage to begin at all, and chose to reject the call. Wouldn't we be able to relate with that more? Failure is more familiar to us than courage and brevity. Not to say that we aren't capable of doing great things, but many of us daydream about not taking chances as much as we dream that we do. Anyways, I think that one would have as great of a heroic journey dealing with that choice as one who battled dragons or traveled to a distant land.

I would like to write a story surrounding that concept. I also do want to write about far distant lands with magnificent imagery and heroics, but I myself would seem more likely to back out of an opportunity to do such a thing.

anyways, just an idea. Let me know what you think.

Summer Schedule :)

I've noticed a routine consisting of leisure and borderline sloth-like activities develop over the past months. My days go as follows.

Wake up: 11am

Eat breakfast. Smoke cigarette.

Then: either read [pick one of following: Animorphs, CS Lewis or LOTR] or watch food network until "lunch" usually accompanied by cigarettes and some type of summery drink

2 or 3 pm: eat some sort of "lunch", usually sandwich or another lighter option

rest of afternoon: read or watch t.v. see the pattern ;)

7pm: eat dinner with my family, then watch more t.v. or read more

Rest of night: stay up stupid late watching more t.v./reading while smoking cigarettes and snacking occasionally or hanging out with friends (mainly the first option)

2-3am: go to bed finally, exhausted.

aaaaaaaannnnddd repeat. Hopefully if I keep this up I will end up actually wanting to go back to school when the time comes ;)