Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I am lazy and selfish

It is a fact and I can't escape it. Over the past few days it has become obvious how selfish I am. Everything I do is about me and I don't want to change that. Even at the very foundation of who I am as a person I ultimately only care about myself. To the point that I don't want to change it. This may seem simple and common but I am serious about this. It is a problem. A very serious problem. I mean I can't think of one thing that I have done that in the end didn't have something in it for me. When I help people, I do it because it feels good. I have never been in a relationship with a woman before because I just can't accept imperfections and if its not perfect than I don't want it because it would be too hard. I am a child. I don't want to change. Honestly I think the one thing that would teach me to love someone unconditionally without getting anything out of it is to be in a relationship. It would be hard as hell. I would have to ignore everything I felt and thought and just say to myself, stop being a baby and love this woman. God I am so selfish. All I can write about is me, all I can think about is me. God doesn't even have a hand in my life because I don't want to make an effort!!! It sickens me and yet I don't move. God's actions aren't limited by mine though. Jeez grow up alex. grow. up.

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