Thursday, January 22, 2009

I just don't get it

I've realized that there is no point in being ambiguous in my blog posting. It is not always true to myself if I consistently hide how I feel or what I think, but I do admit that sometimes I am in need of ambiguity and so write to suit that need.

I believe it right to say it plainly that I do not understand everything that I believe. It has been three years since I accepted Jesus as the Ruler as my life and committed all that I may do to His will, but there are times when I am at a loss to what I even believe. I know that if one were to read this it would appear that I made a poor and possibly misinformed decision regarding my loyalty to the Prince of Peace, but I assure you that information has nothing to do with such a decision. Information while it has a place, does not lay hold to all of the necessities of faith. As any child may know. A child when young has complete faith in their parents. Do they know this for sure? Have they had ample experience with their parents to know that they deserve trust? No, they don't. A 4 year old has neither the capacity nor the experience to prove to themselves that their Mother and Father are trustworthy. They just do. They simply trust them. I trust God. I do. I just am at a loss to how I lose track of how the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross is sufficient. Or how the love he exercised through his being on earth is so beautiful. I forget and it seems to me that I shouldn't... But I am human... Here I come to the gravity like inevitability of my falling short of anything close to what is necessary for me to deserve anything from God. I deserve nothing more than... I come short of an answer. In fact I deserve nothing. Nothing is what I am and yet he loves me... That is amazing.

1 comment:

desiredshots PHOTOGRAPHY said...

it is the depth of soul, the realization of the divinity of God, his plan, and his son, Jesus Christ.

but you are wrong in one aspect. you are not nothing. if you were nothing, God would leave you in the hands of satan with out a savior to bring you home. You see--even us, so imperfect, and continuously sinful, STILL his hand is stretched out to us. and THIS is amazing.

you have described so perfectly some of the things i feel. some of the things that are so difficult to convey to others. religion is not science. i can not prove everything. i cant not give you all the scriptures off hand. i dont have all the answers. or all the knowledge. yes, my friends, BECAUSE i can not prove it, you may believe that i made it up. but there are feelings. there is warmth. there is the sure conviction of the Holy Ghost within the bounds of my body that i can not describe with mere letters configured to english. somethings are just for you to discover and feel for yourself.

thank you for your writings alex. always getting me thinking.
sorry if my tangents are left field-ish.