Saturday, January 24, 2009

Last Night

Last night I was challenged to rethink the tireless analysis that I constantly am doing in regards to my life. But even in that I am analyzing.

My career choice... it does not fit, but I tell myself that medicine is the best option out there for someone like me. Ultimately I do not know what I am supposed to do. I mean I have been given gifts: intelligence, a big heart, wisdom (in some ways), passion, self-control (again, only in some ways), but there is no niche or manufactured role that I can fit into. I am going to be a P.A.. I am going to whore myself repeatedly to my patients so that they know that I am more than a medical professional, but a friend, someone who can and will comfort them in times of need. But I have a distinct need for deep and meaningful relationships and, well, medicine, in all of its facilities, is more like a burlesque house than a commune. Will I survive? Or will my soul slowly deteriorate, lending itself to a new suitor every requisition presented only to be stripped of any progress with each release form finished. I do not know. I seem to be limited by what man has created "work" to be. And it sure seems to me that I am destined to never reach my full potential. Praise God for His wisdom! Praise God for the providence of His mighty right hand! For all my wisdom can show me is how limited my future may be and all my right hand can do is finish the sentence needed to conclude this thought. Other than that I am through. It's God's turn


Barry/Terri said...

Hi Alex,
Have you looked at Bastyr? Considered integrative medicine? It tends to stay much closer to the hippocratic oath of first do no harm. The nature of a naturopathy degree is to include the whole person, allow time for real care, and hopefully affect a cure or at least give the body a fighting chance to do it. There is a new hybrid type physician that you might consider callled a naturopathic physician (much more than my degree will be). Another option is osteopathy. Physician's assistant will give you a little more time with patients than a typical MD I'm guessing but it's just a thought!

Alex said...

hmm, very interesting, thank you for your insight terri!