Sunday, February 8, 2009

I should go to bed.

I had a dream two nights ago that isn't important enough to share on this. Who am I to say that one dream is more important than another though. Either way I don't feel like typing it up.

One of my dreams came true, we lost to SDSU. I don't want to get too into it, but we should have won, in every way. That's that.

I wonder if any of my other dreams will come true. Well I sure do wish that I would get a mac, then I could finally start recording on my own. God, would that be a amazing.

I have a friend who told me it might be a good idea to slow down and stop thinking too much. I think that is excellent advice, but I do not know how to slow down my thought process. Thinking is what I do, as a human, especially as an expressive human. How does one suppress thought and just exist. My heart does need some peace and quiet. I think, for my minds sake, that I need to just be.


desiredshots PHOTOGRAPHY said...

is there a yoga class around there you can crash?
the school must have one. or go into a 24 hour fitness and ask for a free 7 day trial. do iiiittt.

i strongly support yoga man.
or running.
you may be the only person that reads my blog. and i came on tonight and thought-i hope alex has written something, im in the mood to hear his thoughts. so weird.

so this is something i kind of wanted to blog about, but wasn't sure if i really had the energy to tonight, but i will share a couple quick thoughts with you. i ran 8 miles today. i normally run 3-5, but today i planned on pushing to 6 miles. when i rounded the 6 mile mark, i kept going. invigorating. it was wonderful. powerful. and as i was running i kept thinking that i think i can do ANYTHING. i truly felt in that moment that i could handle anything life threw at me. i was strong. as i was running, i thought back to an event earlier this weekend that made me feel about as big as a pea in my grandmas stew [which really isnt all that rough =) ] and i felt like nothing. like i totally didnt matter. i felt lonely. and had a loss of hope. and as i was running today, tears welled up in my eyes for the times that i felt so small. i let go of the wheel and let myself be weak sometimes, when really--i am in full control of my happiness and exercising passion in my life. there is a quote that i have been struggling with for probably 8 years--goes something like "no one cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy". i always hated it. it pisses me off. i like to be "taken care of" or pitied when i think i should be pitied-haha. but that doesn't get me very far. the past 2 months or so have been enlightening and i have taken my goals, dreams, happiness, and life overall to the next level as i have made the CHOICE to be happy, and be in control. i am aware of my strengths and weaknesses, i am aware of what i want, and i am seeking only those things that will get me eternal happiness. i am, for once, enjoying the bliss of this life. at church recently i was studying the creation. and one scripture i read stated that there are just some things that God created simply for your enjoyment. i like to think he created honey and bubbles and toe nail polish, just because he knew how giddy those simple pleasures would make me smile.

maybe it is just time to push for your passions. not that you're not already. but i suppose it takes a concious effort to search out those little things that God has placed before you for YOUR purpose of enjoyment. maybe an ice cream cone? i'll buy.

Alex said...

I know what you mean, i really do, and I have been pushing for these things, but I have limitations in my life. Like school for example. It comes first, but I am doing as much as I can on the side. You are really hitting home Desiree. God has really been showing me that I am a creative being and that my expression is pertinent to who I am and without it a very important part of me will die. My passions are finally starting to be a part of my life, and I am sooo glad that they are a part of your life finally. We were made to be passionate about life, about what it offers, God created it that way, and humans in the infinite stupidity pervert it and make it mundane and an annoyance. I like ice cream, but I won't be in san jose for a while. maybe sometime though.