Friday, June 6, 2008

There is drool still on the hood...

so there is no easy way to put this...
I ran into a kid today
no older than 5
they said he'd be fine
so i guess I'm okay

he came out of nowhere
bounced a foot or more
off of the hood of my car
I truly am surprised i did not swear

--this is not some fictional poem/crap, i really did run into a kid... it nearly scared me half to death. It felt like the point in a tragic movie where every body's life changes forever and the main character is left with thoughts of regret and shame for doing something so horrible as to end the life of a kid. One thing though, gratefully the kid did not die; he got a bloody nose though... and cried quite a bit. While driving away from the scene of the collision as well as for the rest of this bloody night I have been imagining children bouncing off of the hood of my car, just like an instant replay at a sports game. It has been ridiculous. Ridiculously horrible and comical. If i had the chance to observe myself from an outside perspective, without having actually done it, I probably would be laughing a lot! I guess this is what shock feels like. Thank God i didn't actually hurt him. He got a bloody nose! Hah! thankfully that was all. I think I am worse off than he is, of which I am thankful too. I would much rather have a shattered mind then have hurt the kid!

--I don't know what I would do if I actually ended the life of a 5 year old... Probably something stupid... For some bizarre reason I have romanticized the idea of despair after an unfortunate event. When i was a lot younger I would day dream (except they were not at all pleasant) about my parents dying in a plane crash leaving my sister and I orphaned and what would happen because of it. I always saw it as me throwing myself into despair over the situation and turning to a lifestyle that would numb me from my past... mostly the norm: drugs and sex and alcohol... maybe it was just some deep seeded emotion looking for an excuse to get out. Or maybe i was just a stupid kid who thought that tragedy was euphoric in a way. Either way it reminds me now of some early 90's family movie like a mix between Free Willy and Angels In the Outfield... maybe a little Pinocchio too... haha

--I can see me now, flapping my arms while graffiting on a wall, smoking a cigar and drinking a beer. (by the way if you can piece those three segments together without help, i am impressed... i tend to be far to vague when i reference outside sources). Actually that doesn't sound too bad. I love beer and graffiti (although never tagged anything) and while I don't flap my wings too often and tend to smoke cigarettes vs. cigars, I think i'd give it a shot. haha man... I am lame.

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